Why did I watch that?

I love anything to do with medicine--specifically with surgery. When I was growing up, I had dreams of being a heart surgeon. But that did not happen. This is not the time or place for pointing fingers or putting blame about that. Bottom line: I did not feel confident enough in the realm of hard sciences to pursue that field. Since then (when I was studying mortuary science), I realized I probably could have done fairly well in pre-med, etc. But by then it was too late.

All of that to say that once-in-a-while I do something that reminds me of that dream. Last night I watched a show called "Heartland." I had seen ads for it and I expected I would enjoy it since it was about heart surgery. So we taped it (so we can skip the ads) and watched it immediately after. The problem is that whenever I'm reminded of all the advances in heart treatment in my lifetime, I start thinking, "You could have been part of that!" And often that thought pushes me onto a big downer.

So I went to sleep last night thinking about what could have been--if only. And I woke up this morning thinking much the same thing. I'm still feeling a bit down about the whole thing. But as some important people in my life would say: "Get over it! Move on with your life." And that's what I'm trying to do. And I think overall I am doing that. But still once-in-a-while I remember what might have been.

Please don't feel sorry for me. I have done some wonderful things. And I still have dreams of what God wants to do in me and through me in my remaining years. And who knows? Maybe if I had gone into that other field, I never would have taken the time to pursue my interest in writing. So I'll keep working on the writing thing. And hopefully I can touch some lives through this avenue instead of the other.

Do you have dreams? Are you at the stage in life when you look back and wish? Do you sometimes think, "If only..."? What new dreams is God trying to give you to replace those old ones? God is not living back there in the "if only's"; God is living today and in our tomorrows in the "what-can-God-do-in-me-today"?