"Best" Christian?

After I spoke at our church yesterday (I am a volunteer for Voice of the Martyrs and gave a presentation in my home church), someone approached me and said, "You are the best Christian in our church."

Immediately, danger bells went off in my mind. This is a terrible thing to say to anyone. I'm trying to keep track of all the ways in which it causes problems.

For one thing, it is not true. First off, I know the many and frequent ways in which I fail the Lord. I know the areas in which I struggle. Sometimes the struggle turns out honoring the Lord. But too often I fail him. Only God could count the number of times I have cried before him in repentance--and I think he does not keep count of those occasions. Only God could count the number of times I have asked for his help during a struggle, only to turn from that help and try to fight the battle in my own strength. Does this describe a "best" Christian? No. In addition, how can any person determine if one believer is a "better" Christian than any other? Doesn't it all depend on God's grace through faith? Yes. If that is so, then only God knows who among a given fellowship is depending on God's grace through faith and who is acting in his own human efforts.

Another danger: The person who said this is looking on exterior evidences. He does not know the hearts of the others in the fellowship. Only God knows that information and He's not telling us. But I think it may suggest that the person who said this sees himself as not measuring up in some way. In what way that may be I do not know and do not need to know. But if he is trusting God's grace through faith, then what makes him less of a Christian than I?

But perhaps the greater danger is this: It tempts me to think I have somehow "arrived"--that I am really the Christian God wants me to be. And I know that is not the case. But the temptation is a terrible thing. It raises the specter of pride. It tempts me to think I am ready to show all the others in our fellowship how to be a Christian.

Fortunately, I felt immediately on guard against such possibilities. I know I am not the best Christian in our fellowship. More accurately: I know that it is not even a question I should ask. The question should be: "Am I the best Christian I can be at this point in my pilgrimage?" Still, I think the answer is no. But God is working on me in this area. Increasingly, He helps me focus on the goal of being like Christ instead of being better than I was or better than someone else.

But at the same time, God helped me sense the spirit of the person who said this to me. He meant to convey his appreciation for my service to the Lord. So, I just smiled expressed my doubt about the accuracy of his statement and then I thanked him.

Should I have responded differently? I don't know. What do you think?

Comfort Zones

I had a brief conversation with my pastor on Friday. I am scheduled to speak during the sermon segment of our worship service today and he and I were discussing how the service would flow. The schedule for the service calls for the pastoral prayer segment to follow the sermon. So I suggested something we might do with the congregation that would give a context for the people to pray for the persecuted church.

Now, I should clarify that Pastor is very supportive of my work for the persecuted church. But the plan I proposed was something that pushed the limits a bit. It was different from how our fellowship usually does their prayer time. The details of my proposal are not needed for what I want to say here. Rather, I want to talk about his response and what God taught me through his response.

As I explained what I had in mind, I started to sense that he did not feel comfortable with what I proposed. So I checked on that. I said, "I think I sense that you are not comfortable with that idea."

He confirmed my suspicion and then said, "I don't think our people are mature enough for that yet."

Now I could go off on the issue of how long do we allow our people to remain immature. But that is not what God said to me at the time. Instead, I sensed God revealing to me that I needed to have more of the sensitivity that my pastor has. I needed (when I was pastoring) and certainly still need now (as I visit churches as a guest speaker) to be more sensitive to where the congregation is in their growth in Christ.

In the past when I was pastoring, I would get some exciting new idea in my head. I was certain it came from God (I still think that I was right--some of those times). So I would push ahead and convince the church board to follow through on this great new plan. I'm thinking of a couple situations in particular. We had a growing congregation and we needed to figure out how to accommodate the number of people that were coming to our fellowship. We simply did not have room for them all. So I proposed a plan that would allow the number of people to continue to increase. But the congregation was not ready for it. And the backlash has had lasting effects in my life.

I still don't know how I could/should have handled it differently. The growth was so rapid that we needed to do something quickly. But I should have worked with the leadership of the fellowship on a one-to-one basis before bringing the proposal to the whole church board. Instead, I just put the idea out there and expected them to go along with it. Well, they did for a while. But then the backlash hit. And I have reeled in reaction ever since.

This past Friday, in Pastor's brief response, I realized that the heart of a pastor involves a deep sensitivity to where the congregation is in their journey of growing into the likeness of Christ. I don't expect God will ever have me in a pastoral position again. But I do find myself increasingly speaking as a guest speaker for various churches. And I need to adopt my pastor's perspective in working with these various fellowships.

Thank you pastor for being sensitive to our fellowship's strengths and weaknesses.

Fire (C) by Eddie Francisco

Fire
© by
Eddie Francisco

White-hot fire in my night.
I dare not approach.
Searing flame consumes,
Cleanses, refines.
I cannot survive such purity.

Then nail-pierced hands emerge,
Flesh—soft but scarred.
Cradled in his embrace,
When I cannot come to him,
He enfolds with dove-like arms.

Grace

Yesterday in worship we sang the song, "He Giveth More Grace." It's a wonderful reminder that when we run out of all our resources, God's infinite store of grace has only begun.

Meanwhile, in some of research for another project, I came across claims from other religions that their god(s) give grace. So what's the difference?

A few years ago when I worked at the mortuary, I assisted a Buddhist family when their father died. Part of their ceremony involved burning money. So I set up a barbeque outdoors so they could conduct this portion of their event. While the (play) money was burning, I conversed with the eldest son as he put thousands and thousands of (play) dollars in the fire. He explained that the more completely the money burns and the more money he puts on the fire will determine how much grace god will give his father in his migration to the next life. I ignored the thought that my understanding is that Buddhism does not actually acknowledge the existence of God/god. Instead I politely listened to the son's explanation of how to get grace from their god.

In the years since, I have revisted this scene many times. And I keep wondering what is the difference between the grace we say our God gives us and the grace they hope to get from their god? If there is no difference, then why go to all the bother to try to convert a Buddhist (or a practitioner of any other religion) from their ways to ours? If both God and god give the same grace, what benefit is there?

On the other hand, if grace is more than simply "the unmerited favor of God" then maybe there is a benefit--an advantage--to following Christ.

Sooooo, is there something more to "grace" as the Bible presents it? Is it more than just "the unmerited favor of God"? Please don't quote Calvin, or any other theologian, to me on this topic. They just keep coming back to "the unmerited favor of God." If I can get that from any other religion, then why follow Christ? Why take up my cross, if I can get grace somewhere else simply by burning play money?

What do you think?

What to do?

What do I do when I realize that the job at church that I am already committed to is something I actually do not enjoy? But I find something else that excites me more? People (seem to) count on me to do the thing I'm already involved in. But it is a drain on my spirit and robs me of worship. On the other hand, it is an opportunity to serve.

But yesterday, I accidentally happened upon another thing that needs to be done and is not being done very well at this point. And I found myself enjoying it and felt energized by it.

What to do?

Do you have any insight for me?

Single Mothers

I just finished reading Mark Galli's article from Christianity Today (http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/mayweb-only/120-42.0.html), in which he explores the state of working mothers in general. His bottom line seems to be that the church family could/should step in to become the surrogate family for working mothers. Well, that is a great simplification; but you can read the entire article if you care to.

He got me thinking about a group of heroic mothers I knew for a few years. When I found myself single again, I landed in large church that had a vast network of home groups we called "Care Groups." When I expressed interest, I was contacted by a divorcee who was leading a group with a mix of married couples and divorcees. I joined them and God brought amazing healing and growth in my life through their ministry.

But the group quickly evolved into a divorced/separating only group--which was fine with us. The married couples in the group went other directions and one of the couples broke up and divorced. This left me in a group composed of divorced women and me. Initially there were 3 or 4 ladies and me. Eventually we grew to 13 or more women--and me (another man came sporatically).

Virtually all these ladies had children at home. They worked all day and took their children to their various activities. Some went through the mess of divorce while in our group and while caring for their children and working. With great faithfulness, they made time to meet with our Care Group. Generally we made provision for the children to come along. They played in the back rooms of the house, while we studied the Bible and prayed in the living room.

We shared our garbage and baggage. We followed up on concerns left over from the previous session. We studied: asked questions, discussed answers, shared snacks and prayed.

I still tip my hat in respect and admiration to these ladies. Fortunately, my children were already college age by this time. I don't know if I could have kept up with their demands. Truth be told: I know I could not have done so.

Thank you to Erin, Colleen, Cathy and a few others for your friendship. I admire your devotion as mothers and as followers of Christ.

And thank you to Cherri for teaching me how to be a friend.

Bible Study, Dt 32:39-42

Well, I'm almost finished going through Deuteronomy. I'll probably finish it tomorrow. Then I'm back into the New Testament, to the "Acts of the Apostles." But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Today I noticed the verses in Dt. 32:39-42. God has been talking about the Israelites in the Song of Moses. And he forsees when they will abandon him and serve other gods. Those other rocks in which they will seek safety are "not like our Rock" (verse 31).

Suddenly in verse 39, God focuses on himself. 19 times in the space of 4 verses, God uses the first person pronoun (I or me or my). 19 times! One of the things that impresses me about this is: God has the notion that the universe revolves around him!

Now, I've known more than a few people who thought the world revolved around them. They expected others to serve them, to please them, to keep them happy. I've seen them act as if others were to wait on them hand and foot. In fact, I've been accused of that attitude a few times myself. (I think I'm growing out of that phase.)

But these verses in Deuteronomy remind me that God--YHWH, The Great I AM--is the only one who rightfully holds the position of the focus of all the universe and all history. The heavenly beings fly around his throne, singing

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;

the whole earth is full of his glory." (Isaiah 6:3)

The apostle John (Revelation 19:1) "heard what sounded like the roar of a great multitude in heaven shouting:

'Hallelujah!

Salvation and glory and power belong to our God....'

Well, I could find many other such references. I just think I needed the reminder this morning: That the world does not exist to make me happy or to make me anything else. The world--the universe--exists to bring glory to the one and only true God.

What do you think?

Basketball!

You probably didn't expect me to post something about basketball. Maybe you're expecting some profound double meaning--that I'll start on bball and parallel it to some deep significance in our spiritual lives. Wrong. Not. It's just basketball. Specifically, I have a couple observations about the San Antonio Spurs and the way they play.

Before I get going, let me clarify for anyone who reads this and doesn't know it already (those who know me already know the following). It will be obvious to most readers that I know very little about bball. I am vertically challenged; so I don't play the game. And I only watch during the playoffs. Still, I have my favorites and I watch the games devotedly.

I used to be a big fan of the Spurs. I thought highly of David Robinson (when he was active) and Tim Duncan. In fact, I still respect them. But they should not hang around such players as now populate the Spurs team.

I'm thinking first of the cheap "groin shot" that Bowen threw at Steve Nash. Never mind that the ref was standing right there and failed to call a foul. What I saw was Bowen deliberately turned and kneed Nash in the groin (pc term for "in the crotch"). It appeared to be an intentional attempt to disable the Suns key player. Didn't work.

I might have let that pass. But then Monday night Horry body-slammed Nash near the end of the game. True, this was the phase of the game when common strategy calls for the losing team (in this case the Spurs) to intentionally foul the ball handler. But all Horry needed to do was hold Nash. Or he could have pushed him a little bit. But a body block--as everyone agrees--was totally uncalled for. I used to respect Robert Horry. No more. He used to be called Robert "Big Shot" Horry, for his penchant to hit the big shot when the game was on the line. Now he will be called Robert "Cheap Shot" Horry, because he lost his cool when the game was on the line.

Was it a coincidence that both attacks were aimed at the Suns' team leader, Steve Nash? I think it was intentional. Which leads me to switch my loyalties completely.

I've rooted for San Antonio in the past. No more. I'm sure this will not bother them in the least. They don't need (and apparently don't want) my support. But I think I'm not the only person of this position. We have cheered the Spurs in the past. But if they can't clean up their act, they will end up losing a lot more than our respect.

What do you think?

Christians and restaurants

We took Mom to a restaurant for Mother's Day--nothing unusual about that. It was a new-to-us restaurant, overlooking Yaquina Bay in Newport, Oregon. It's called "Port Dock #1." If you ever get to Newport, we recommend this restaurant. The waitress was very friendly and kept checking on us and trying to get us to add to our meal. She had been so friendly that toward the end of the meal, I asked her name, which she told us. Then she became even more friendly. As we were finishing the meal, it occured to me (I'm a little slow on these things sometimes) that she might have been flirting with me. But I dismissed the thought.

As we were driving home my beautiful, wonderful wife ("bw") brought to my attention that the waitress was flirting with me. (She said the waitress was "batting her eyes" and "walking in a provocative way" but I truly did not notice any of that.) Well, those of you who know me know that I am not a "hunk" by any stretch of the imagination. Bw thinks I'm the most handsome man in the world; but she's prejudiced. Anyway, bw was not upset by the waitress' flirtation. In fact, she (bw) was pleased, because she knew I would not see the lady again and it was just in that context and she felt complemented that the waitress would do that with me.

Well, all of that brought me back to something I've thought about a number of times over the years (you might not see the connection here, but I do): When followers of Christ go into a restaurant, we need to be sensitive to the impression we make on the restaurant staff. Especially on a Sunday, the staff knows that we just came from church (which is why I rarely go to restaurants on Sundays). They make a connection between our behavior and our claim to follow Christ. How we behave in that restaurant has a direct reflection on the staff's perception of our Lord and Savior.

That is why I purposely go out of my way to show friendliness and kindness to the wait-staff. I smile. I ask how their day is going. I joke with them. I ask their name. All of this gives the message that I see the waitperson as a person, not an animated order-taker (a thing). I've seen enough people come straight from church and make demands on the restaurant staff. They criticize the food and the service. They virtually ignore the waitperson, except to make their orders, make demands and find fault.

Then, as if throwing mud on the face of Jesus, when the food is served, these same critical people bow their heads and pray! If you're going to act in such an un-Christlike manner, at least do not pray. Maybe the staff will think you just came from a concert and Jesus will not be insulted by your critical attitude.

Finally, when paying the bill, do NOT be stingy with the tip. 15% should be the minimum. As I said before, the staff knows you just came from church. They associate what you do with what Jesus is like. If you are stingy with your money, they connect that stinginess with Jesus. But we know that Jesus has given us all the riches of heaven. Shouldn't we share that generosity with others? Many of the wait-staff are single moms and/or students. They depend on the tips to make ends meet. A non-believer will go into that same restaurant, be kind to the staff and leave a generous tip. At the same time, a believer will enter. He/she (the believer) will be judged by the same standards. The waitperson will measure these factors: "Did he treat me kindly, like a person? Did he tip me well?" Yes, it will cost us a dollar or 2 or 3 more to show this generosity.

But remember: Our Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills.

Whether we frequent the same restaurant every week or it is a one-time visit, we are making a witness for Christ. And we want to earn the right--for ourselves or for another believer--to share the love of Christ with those her serve.

What do you think?

Immigrants

A couple nights ago, my beautiful, wonderful wife (hereafter: "bw") and I went to a pizzeria. The young man who helped us with our order turned out to be one of bw's students. Well, for any who do not know bw, I should tell you that she teaches English to Speakers of Other Languages (ESL) at our local high school. Because of the demographics of our community, all of her students are either from Mexico or their parents came from Mexico. All of which means that this young man who helped us is Mexican-American. Most (not all) of the employees appeared to be hispanic. This reminded me of an observation I've made various times in the past. To whit:


It seems to me that I see an unusually high percentage of student employees from non-anglo background. Depending on the community or neighborhood, these student workers may be East Indian, Hispanic, East Asian, Eastern European, or who knows. The point is that they moved here with their families at some point when the student was probably very young. Basically they grew up here and are basically bi-lingual. With that skill edge, they get an after school job. The young man at the pizzeria gets out of school at 3:10 and starts to work at 3:30.

I've heard various people complain at this point. I've received emails that criticize how the immigrants are taking our jobs and taking over our country. I heard a minister complain and criticize that the clerk at a fast food place did not speak clear English (I almost walked out on his sermon).

As I see it: These are the same complaints we've heard every time there was a wave of immigrants. When the Irish came, my ancestors (and maybe yours) complained that they didn't speak English right. When the Germans came, my ancestors (and maybe yours) complained that they didn't speak English at all. Same with the Italians and the Chinese and Japanese and whatever group came in a wave. My ancestors (and maybe yours) complained that these new immigrants were taking all the jobs because they were willing to work for less money. My ancestors (and maybe yours) feared that pretty soon we would all be speaking Irish or German or Italian or Chinese or whatever language was the fear of the day.

None of those fears came true. Instead, what happened?

Within 1 generation--2 at the most--those immigrants' children knew the language, maybe better than children whose great-grandparents came here. In 1 or 2 generations, these immigrant descendants had jobs or had businesses and employed other people. And why was this the case? Because they came with a work ethic that expected--virtually required--their children to get a job and contribute to the family budget. As a result, those children grew up expecting that they would work for what they needed. They grew up NOT expecting special handouts from the government. As a result, they became leaders in their community and even in the nation. (Do I really need to give a list of immigrant children/grandchildren who went on to national prominence?)

That brings me back to the young man at the pizzeria: I expect that in a few years he will have his own business and employ others. He certainly will support his own way and that of others. He will live his life as a responsible member of society. And our country will benefit from his participation.

He is not the exception. He is the norm. We hear about the exceptions on the evening news. That is why they make the news: Because they are not the norm. They cause trouble and we don't want them. But the vast majority of immigrants contribute positively to our society. The children will give more. And their grandchildren may well be community leaders.

Thank you for coming to the United States. We are glad you are here.

Unabashed plug

Today and tomorrow I'll be working on a couple short articles for a little magazine. I get no money for it. But it's fun and gives me practice on meeting an editor's deadlines and guidlines. Plus it's fun to see my (pen)-name in print. So I'm putting this out on the internet to encourage you: If you happen to see--at a church or anywhere--a copy of Global Prayer Digest, pick it up. Look for my (pen)-name in the list of contributors. Then take the issue home and read it. It's designed to be read one page per day. Each day focuses on a different people group who has not yet yeard the message of Jesus Christ in a way that becomes meaningful to them. So this month, I'm preparing a couple articles on a couple sub-groups in the Hindu community: Brahmins and Jogis.


Or you can go to this web site: http://www.global-prayer-digest.org/ to see the current month's issue on-line. I've got an interesting article coming up on the 22nd that caught the editor's eye enough to give it a front cover blurb! So that's kinda neat too.


Hope you'll read it. Then give me you're feedback.

Hasta....

Bible Study, Dt. 26:7

Last night I suddenly felt down. I call it "in a funk." But maybe that's an old-fashioned term. Anyway, my beautiful, wonderful wife thought I was angry at her. I can understand why she thought that--in spite of my protestations that how I felt did not come from anything she said or did. If anything, she usually tries too hard to keep me upbeat.

I just felt a weight on me. And often of late, I have asked myself this question. More to the point, I have asked the Lord this question: "How long, O Lord?" When will I come out of this up-and-down process?

I realize that some fluxuation of emotions is normal. Everyone experiences it. I don't think that's what I'm experiencing. It seems sometimes like a light-switch suddenly turns OFF. And inside, everything goes dark. Emotionally I suddenly feel like I'm in a fog out at sea without a clue of how to get back to shore.

Fortunately, I'm starting to get back to shore more quickly than I have in the past. Formerly, I could remain in that fog--that funk--for days. But by bedtime last night, I was already saying to myself, "You've got to move beyond this. There's nothing there in the fog."

Well, all of that was kind of a prelude to the verse I highlighted in my Bible study this morning. Deuteronomy 26:7, "We cried out to the Lord, the God of our fathers, and the Lord heard our voice and saw our misery, toil and oppression."

Later in the same chapter, verses 18 & 19, I read, "The Lord has declared this day that you are his people, his treasured possession as he promised.... He has declared that he will set you in praise, fame and honor... and that you will be a people holy to the Lord your God, as he promised."

Well, I don't need or want the fame. But I wish/pray that God would set me as a source of praise, fame and honor for Him.

I guess that's it for today.

The Difference

Al primero: Feliz cinco de mayo a todos!

Okay, today I'm wondering about the difference. And while I have given this considerable thought, I really have not organized those thoughts. So I'm not sure how this is going to come out.

I've been wondering about the difference between a follower of Jesus and a person who does not follow Christ. Followers of Christ basically accept that we are brought into his family on the basis of his work on the cross and our faith in him--through grace. As Paul says, "Not by works, so that we cannot boast." The flip side of that tenet is: Nothing I do can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Now, I'm not saying that this latter statement holds true in the Bible. Rather, it seems that it has gained popularity in the North American church. As a result, we have people who claim the blessing of God in spite of lifestyles that clearly violate the teachings of the Bible and specifically the example and teachings of Christ Jesus whom they claim as Lord. For example: committing adultery on Saturday evening and praising God on Sunday morning.

I know the inner turmoil of failing God on Friday or Saturday night (not adultery but in other ways) and then coming to worship him--even preaching--on Sunday morning. And I know God forgives me and has already paid the price for my sin. So, yes, I am accepted as a child of God based on the completed work of Christ.

But when/where do we draw the line? When/where do we say this can no longer be tolerated? Haven't we who claim to follow Christ become so much like the rest of the world that no one can see any difference?

When I was a child, the difference between "Christians" and "sinners" was obvious: Sinners did certain things (various lists existed) and Christians did not do those things. Clearly, that was legalistic and wrong. In the decades since, those lists of do's and don't's have gone by the wayside--and rightly so.

But what has replaced them? Have we cultivated any new lists of do's and don't's for followers of Christ--any new distinctions? For example, how about a list like this:

DO:

Followers of Christ respect all people and honor each person's uniqueness.
Followers of Christ forgive offenses and seek reconciliation.
Followers of Christ seek justice for the oppressed.
Etc....

DON'T:

Followers of Christ do not try to force non-believers to live by our standards.
Followers of Christ do not nurse our hurts and bitterness.
Followers of Christ do not enslave others or take advantage of employees.
Etc....

You can develop your own list. But perhaps these brief suggestions point the way for a new kind of distinction between followers of Christ and everyone else. In the current situation--as I see it--many who do not claim any allegiance to Christ seem to emulate his life and teachings better than many of us who call him Lord. At the same time, many of us who claim to follow Christ act more like non-believers than the non-believers do.

How sad. I carry the weight of responsibility for this. May God have mercy on us who call Jesus "Master".

What do you think?

Iraq

First, a disclaimer: I never served in the military. Few in our family have for the past few generations. Still, I feel as frustrated about Iraq as you do. But the arguments I hear/read that suggest we should give up the fight sometimes seem very ridiculous. Having said that, here are some thoughts that occur to me frequently:

A couple times every day I drive by a sign in our town that says "3,800 deaths in Iraq...What for?" The implication I get from that sign is that Iraq is not worth that many US deaths.

Well, I just want to apply that same principle to a some other scenarios:

In the D-Day invasion, June 6-20, 1944--in those 2 weeks alone--the US armed forces lost 3,082 killed in action. The total for US, UK and Canadian forces was 5,287, plus those from other participating countries. This does not consider the thousands of other deaths in the European Theatre. Was Europe worth those deaths?

On Iwo Jima, a tiny speck of an island--hardly worth anything--allied forces sacrifices "nearly 50,000" men to gain this foothold in the larger Pacific Theatre of WWII. Was Iwo Jima worth it?

In the Korean War, allied forces lost over 54,000 men to gain nothing. We simply returned the boundary between North and South Korea to the same place it was before the war. Was Korea worth it?

I feel as frustrated as most Americans with how the conflict in Iraq is moving. But if we as Americans are at all concerned with the well being of other nations, I believe that Iraq is at least as deserving of our investment as these other areas of conflict. To justify the deaths in Europe, Japan and Korea as deserving and then to suggest the deaths in Iraq are undeserved boils down to this: prejudice. It means that Arabs/Iraqis/Muslims are worth less than these other ethnic groups. I believe a stable government in Iraq is as worthy a goal as stability in Europe, Japan and Korea.

What do you think?

Regret #1

Does this happen to everyone when they come to this phase of life? I feel faced with a pile of regrets. And I don't know if it's just a phase I'm going through. Or if these are things I really need to deal with. I suspect the latter; though I wish it were a case of the former. I've heard people say, or read people who wrote, that if they had their lives to live over again, they would not change a thing. Let me tell you: I would change a truck-load of things. At the same time, I feel amazingly blessed with how my life is turning now. But there remain things about my past that I regret deeply. I regret them mainly because of the effect they have had and continue to have in the lives of people I either love, have loved, or at least care about. I may not get to all the regrets today. But I will address one:

I regret holding on to my bitterness for so many years. Really, I regret holding onto bitterness at all. The people against whom I felt this bitterness live(d) their lives completely unphased by my feelings or attitude. They did not know and did not care that I still harbored and nursed the hurt they inflicted. How many times did I pray with the psalmist that God would strike them down etc. But he did not. And anyway that's not the point here. The point is: I held onto the bitterness. I thought I had it well camouflaged. But whether or not it was hidden, people I loved were affected by it. After many years, God brought me to the point of forgiving those who betrayed me. At least one had already died; others I had had no contact with. But I named them and forgave them. I came free of that bondage. But people I love and care about carry with them my poor example.

Now, when I see others I love holding onto their bitterness, I see that my poor example is reaping its bitter harvest. What to do?